A searchable, downloadable PDF of the original review appears below. Greg Dallimore is a member of St Giles Presbyterian Church, in Prince George, B.C.
How to Help the Hurting (When Friends Face Problems with Self-Esteem, Self-Control, Fear, Depression, Loneliness), Everett L. Worthington, Jr. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1985, 168 pages, paperback.
I’m sure you have known friends or acquaintances who have come to you with problems that seem to spill out and you are left wondering how to minister to their needs. Separation, death, rejection and loneliness are commonplace. And yet, as Christians, we are called to reflect the love and compassion of Christ, to help heal, with his help, the brokenness of our world. “But I’m not a counsellor,” you think to yourself.
Everett L. Worthington, Jr., in his book How to Help the Hurting, says that you may be just what your friends need – a caring friend who is willing to counsel. Worthington states that research points to non-professionals as being invaluable “counsellors”; that many people save the expense of professional psychological treatment by the ministering of informed, “alongside” counselling. Here a caveat must also be mentioned – and Worthington is quick to point this out – that, for those who are deeply troubled, professional help must be encouraged. The author believes that “The goals of counselling are to help people experience less psychological pain, to act responsibly, to control their lives and to yield themselves to God’s care and direction.”
This book is a companion to the author’s previous book, When Someone Asks for Help. In it, general principles of counselling are set forth, priming the reader for How to Help the Hurting. As the title suggests, Worthington tackles the issues of self-esteem, self-control, fear, depression and loneliness individually, treating each affliction with slightly different techniques and structures for dealing with people’s needs. This book is easy to read and yet translates psychological principles into situational contexts. There are many prepared transcriptions which give the reader examples of how counselling sessions might progress. These examples point out listening techniques, problem-solving situations and probing styles, offering the reader some concrete modelling sessions.
Full of practical, helping skills which are laid out pictorially, this book uses graphs and flow charts to summarize information. As a helping friend, you could use this work as a guide/reference book, for Worthington uses a five-step method of helping:
Step 1 – Listening and understanding
Step 2 – Helping rethink the problem
Step 3 – Formulating workable action plans
Step 4 – Supporting the person as the action plans are implemented
Step 5 – Following up the person with continued love.
Although this method is not prescriptive, the author uses these steps as a framework for counselling. He fills out the framework with personal experiences and the experiences of others he has counselled. I would recommend this book without hesitation as a valuable resource for the lay counsellor, for one concerned about the problems of our brothers and sisters. I believe you will read this book and come away with less anxiety about reaching out to friends who are in trouble. You will not become an instant psychologist, but one who can come alongside and make a meaningful difference. “Helping people conquer psychological problems takes persistence, prayer and patience. We want people to respond instantly to our help, but they usually don’t. Helping is an act of love. It takes perseverance.”