A searchable, downloadable PDF of the original review appears below. Dan McDougall is a Master’s student at Regent College.
Married For Good. R. Paul Stevens, Downer’s Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1986.
While there currently seems to be a glut of books on the market dealing with marriage and its enrichment, now and again one rings true as being ‘wise’ rather than merely smacking of ‘technique’. Paul Stevens’ Married For Good is such a book. As Gordon MacDonald notes in the foreword: “This is not a ‘how-to’ book, although one will gather many ideas about how-to. It is a ‘what-does-it-mean?’ book and a ‘why-are-these-things-important?’ book” (p.9).
Stevens’ basic premise is that “real marriage is founded on an unconditional covenant to belong together for life” (p. 17). Unless we recapture the meaning of ‘covenant’ both the bonds and nurturing of marriage will be deficient. He thus spends a large proportion of his discussion ‘laying the foundation’, i.e. explaining from Scripture the meaning of covenant – the bonds created by different aspects of love and the responsibilities engendered by different aspects of love within marriage.
Having presented the biblical covenant ideal, he goes on to discuss common friction points in building a marriage (sexuality and headship are highlighted) and corrective measures for when things go awry. There is no attempt to ‘candy-coat’ genuine problems; rather, he makes an honest effort to bring biblical precedents and principles to bear on touchy issues. Stevens also recognizes that marriages can get to the point of being ‘for worse’. In his section on ‘Renovating’ he discusses the necessary restoratives for ‘empty’ and ‘broken’ covenant relationships.
While much of what this author says is not new (e.g. communication being necessary to maintain a healthy marriage), he does present a fresh approach by relating God’s covenantal relationship with Israel to that between spouses. In his chapter, ‘The Ten Commandments of Marriage’ (a daunting title!), he astutely points out that covenant responsibilities “are not conditions of the marriage relationship but conditions of blessing within the relationship” (p. 87). By means of a series of exercises at the end of each chapter, readers are encouraged to make the transition between the meaning of covenant and the practice of it in personal living. In a pastorally sensitive way, Stevens helps couples to probe areas in which the biblical principles must be fleshed out in their particular relationship.
One of the most notable features of this book is in the author’s insistence that “to be a marriageable person is more important than to be married” (p. 17). This not only makes it a significant undertaking for the unmarried, but puts the onus of improvement within a marriage on the self, not on the spouse. We are not called to make our spouses good covenant keepers (other than to make it attractive for them to do so), but to embody godly covenant loyalty ourselves.
We found this to be a book which caused us to stretch: mentally – in terms of our view of ‘covenant’ within our relationship; and relationally – in terms of our individual responsibilities to each other. We are very much encouraged by Stevens’ emphasis that marriage is not meant to be merely ‘permanent’, but in the best sense possible, ‘for good’.