A searchable, downloadable PDF of the original article appears below. Howard Mcllveen is a chaplain in three long-term care facilities in Greater Vancouver.
The singles part of the population is growing rapidly. In the United States half of the adult population is single – an amazing 64 million. This represents a dramatic rise in the last 20 years. There is more freedom today in our culture to be single that at any other time in history. Joseph Perlitz, a pollster and market analyst in New York says,
For some time to come, all of us are going to be living in a world comprised to a far greater extent of people living alone and liking it… This is a trend with enormous implications for business, government and everyone else in our society.1
Single people comprise the largest concentrated pool of sales prospects in the continent today. There is a singles’ industry that has emerged, to the tune of $40 billion a year. It is an industry that is making money and growing. Singles are the target of most major movies, TV advertisements and health clubs. Singles are setting the trends.
By contrast, as one thinks about single adults in the churches, Jesus’ wisdom is borne out, namely that “the children of this age are more shrewd in dealing with their own generation than the children of light.” In the churches, singles are appreciated in low-profile ministries. Socially, the married people easily slide into the pattern of getting together “as couples” or “as families.” Married preachers pull much of their illustrative material from their life with a spouse and children. I and others have inaccurately referred to our own community as a “young family congregation” – even though we also include over 20 single people, who, by the way, contribute at a disproportionately high level to the life of this church. If we want to see adult singles drawn to Christ, we need first to ask, “Given the mostly implicit messages that we are giving, are they likely to be drawn to this particular group of people?”
So, we have a culture that recognizes the importance and power of singles. We have churches that subtly discriminate against them. What light do our history, and above all, our sacred writings, shed on this subject?
Genesis, the first book in the Bible, says with respect to males and females, “it is not good for man [a human] to live alone.” In Old Testament history, it was practically unthinkable for an adult to be a lifelong single. There are notable, heroic examples of singleness: Hagar in Genesis 21:14-21, Naomi and her daughter-in-law Ruth, chapters 1-3 – but these are exceptions that prove the rule.
The kingdom announced by Jesus was both a fulfillment of that past and also radically new. One area of newness was its perspective on being married or not married. Jesus, the author and captain of our salvation, chose not to marry. He was a bachelor. He said that some choose singleness “for the sake of the kingdom of heaven” (Mt. 19:12). He taught that in the resurrection questions about marriage or singleness would be redundant (Mk. 12:25). The apostle Paul offered his not inconsiderable opinion that singleness was the preferable option, so that a person would not be torn between the affairs of the kingdom and those of the world.
For several centuries singleness was honoured. For a thousand years more, it was considered superior to being married. What is awesome is even a partial list of leaders of the faith who were single – Anthony of Egypt, Patrick of Ireland, Columba of Scotland, Francis of Assisi, Francis Xavier, Ida Scudder, Mary Slessor and Amy Carmichael. Henry Martyn was thankful that he was “delivered from all desires for the comforts of married life” preferring “a single life in which are much greater opportunities for heavenly mindedness.”2
Then he fell madly in love (and one senses that he stayed in love) with Lydia who “excited no small tumult in his mind.” In 1805 he became an Anglican priest in England and then travelled to India (without ever having married Lydia). There and in present day Iran he completed his translation of the New Testament into Hindustani, Persian and Arabic in seven years. He died in 1812 at the age of 31 years.
In our own century people like Gladys Aylward, Helen Roseveare, Mother Teresa, John Stott, Jean Vanier and C.S. Lewis (single for most of his life) have been inspiration to millions.
My purpose in writing is neither to denigrate marriage nor to idealize singleness. Singleness is very difficult for some, just as marriage is for others. Similarly, both “estates” can be lived in admirably. My purpose is to encourage us to correct some of the imbalances and remove some of the blind spots in our thinking. Here are some possibilities that may help that process:
– teach about celibacy but encourage one of your singles to do the teaching.
– pray towards and work towards seeing singles serving as elders, deacons, cell group leaders, worship leaders (if you have them), and teacher/preachers. This unearths numerous issues, for example the majority of singles in most churches are female. That will present a challenge to some churches.
– ask singles for help in spotting discrimination against them, whether it’s subtle or not.
– provide structures that encourage mixing of marrieds and singles. Cell groups are admirably suited for this.
– the adult singles do not make up monolithic groups. There are unique and special needs and possibilities for widowed singles, single parents and for never married singles.
– because women outnumber men in society, and even more so in most churches, and because God calls some people to singleness, parents need to surrender the assumption that their child or children will “automatically” marry one day.
Jesus was an adult single. He is a Model and Saviour for both those married and those who are single. He said to both, “I am come that you might have life and have it more abundantly.”
Endnotes
- Singles Ministry Handbook, ed. Douglas L. Fagerstrom, p. 29
- From Jerusalem to Irian Jaya, Ruth Tucker, p. 138