A searchable, downloadable PDF of the original article appears below. Dr. John C. Zimmerman is Charles Bentall Professor of Pastoral Studies at Carey Hall/Regent College, Vancouver, and was formerly a minister in the Presbyterian Church U.S.A.
Every church has a back door. Formerly active members slip through this door, often unnoticed, on their way out of the church. If we could find a way to close this door we could prevent many spiritual tragedies. We would also help our churches to grow since we would not have to replace the members we lose each year who still reside in the community. The key to closing this door is found in the care we give to our members. Perhaps you will recognize some of your members who have slipped through your back door in some stories coming from churches I have served as pastor.
Alan yearned to share his enthusiasm for world-wide missions with the members of our church; but Alan couldn’t speak in public. One day he hit upon a brilliant idea to use his skill as a telephone installer to tell the stories of our missions. The session was enthusiastic as Alan sketched his plan. The mission bulletin board would be divided into spaces with a block for each missionary. Beside the missionary portraits and a brief introduction to the field would be a telephone handset. When you lifted the handset you would hear the latest recorded message from that missionary. The local telephone company donated obsolete switching equipment to the project. All supplies were stored in a closet at the church only two days after session approval.
Nine months later the switching gear and telephones were still gathering dust in the closet when session asked Alan for a completion date. Alan promised the system would be installed by the next meeting of the session. The next month Alan was visibly embarrassed as he gave his “no progress” report. The next Sunday he was absent from his usual place in worship. Alan did not enter the church again for several years.
Patrick was beginning the final year of his term on session when he was approached to take the office of Clerk. “The job will only take about eight hours a month,” the Chairperson of the Nominating Committee confidently assured him. Patrick weighed his responsibilities as a Christian, as a manager of a major organization and as the head of a family and decided he could give the session the leadership it expected. Within one month he knew he had made a tragic mistake. The office required a full 20 hours of his time each month. He remembered telling the pastor of the strain in his wife’s voice when she said: “You’ve spent 14 evenings this month at the church!” A man faithful to his commitments, Patrick determined he would see the year through.
On Sunday following the election of his successor Patrick didn’t attend worship. It was weeks before others discovered that Patrick was a victim of leader burnout and had found the only refuge available to him on the other side of the church’s back door.
Everyone in the church counted on Mary for wedding receptions, church dinners and the many service projects of her circle. Mary had a servant heart and seemed to thrive on the succession of projects that came her way. When her youngest son went to university Mary responded to the beginning of the second half of life by taking a position with a local company. No longer could she do all the tasks that had previously filled her days. Of course, everyone in the church understood. What they did not understand was that Mary still had evenings and weekends available for service. She tried to tell them, but it seemed no one could hear her. Months went by and Mary was not asked to do anything. Feeling unappreciated and forgotten, Mary at first became sporadic in worship attendance, then she, too, slipped through the back door. Mary was elected President of the Professional Women in town the following January.
In seminary I was taught not to waste my pastoral time on dropouts. “It is like pouring good money after bad,” the professor said. “You can invest lots of time and see little in the way of results.”
When the church has called on dropouts it has usually gone with a message about the great programmes offered in the church and with assurances that the dropout is truly missed and is wanted back in his or her old place. The callers tell the church’s story in glowing terms and encourage the dropout to return.
But the dropout seldom returns despite letters, telephone calls and special invitations. Dropouts cannot return until someone helps them to deal with the pain that caused them to leave in the first place. The church so often goes with a story to tell to the dropout. What dropouts need is someone to listen to their stories — complete with all the pain associated with their leaving.
Ministry to dropouts is not a waste of time. Dropouts respond to a ministry of listening love in ways that will reward the pastor or lay person who is willing to show Christ’s care. I have found myself in many different living rooms, listening to the stories of dropouts. Listening is a difficult exercise for preachers. We are far more accustomed to our other role. When I have been willing to listen I have heard stories filled with the pain of broken relationships. Over half of the time I have watched tears come to the eyes of both men and women. When the tears come, healing isn’t far behind. The Sunday following those healing tears I have welcomed many dropouts back to their place in the worshipping community.
The stories of Alan, Patrick and Mary can be duplicated in many churches. Faithful Christians, who together had given over 75 years of service to the church, found themselves in situations where something had gone wrong in that relationship. For Alan it was the unfilled promise to install the missionary information system. Patrick felt trapped in an office that demanded more than he had to give. Mary felt left out and unappreciated when her life situation changed. Typically, each gave a “cry for help” when things started going awry. Their pain only increased when that cry was not heard. Finally, the only way they could seal off their pain was to put space between themselves and their church. Becoming a dropout was, for each of them, part of their protection.
I remember Alan’s stories. He told me how pleased he had been to find a way he could use his one talent as a telephone installer to build a system that would tell the story of missions; how he had over-committed his schedule; and how humiliated he had felt when he had to admit he had let the sessions down. He felt unworthy as an elder and thought he could never face that session again. What Alan needed to discover was the forgiveness that is a cornerstone of our faith.
Patrick reminded me of his previous cry for help. I barely heard it the first time. Now I cannot forget it. The extra hours it took to be Clerk of Session were stolen from his family. Now I know how necessary it is to take such cries for help seriously. I also know that the leader in danger of burnout needs immediate help either to divide the load so that others can share it or permission to set the less essential tasks aside. Patrick’s only protection from another back-breaking assignment was to move beyond reach outside the circle of the church.
Mary remembered the good times she had enjoyed in her years of servanthood in the church. She remembered the special programmes to thank her for years of faithful service when she undertook her new job at work. Mary also remembered the painful discovery that she wasn’t needed any more. She had much to give, but her church had no place for her to serve. She reinvested the time she had previously given to the church in her new office as President of Professional Women. Mary’s case was more difficult because she was now getting the sense of fulfillment formerly provided by her service in the church in her secular office. She no longer felt a need for the opportunities to serve and to lead that the church provides.
Sometimes church leaders get the idea that dropouts lose that vital faith in Christ they had before they became dropouts. There is a two-month period after the dropout makes the decision not to go back to the church when faith is in spasm. Many recall this as a time of spiritual confusion when daily Bible reading and prayers disappear. But when the pain is scabbed over, personal faith returns. Bible reading and daily prayers are often a regular part of the life of the dropout. Radio Bible studies or the “Electronic Church” become substitutes for the Christian nurture previously found inside the church. Many studies of dropouts have reported that there is no discernible difference between the personal devotional life of the active member and that of the dropout who had previously been active in the life of the church. The issue is not faith but feelings.
A church will begin to close the back door when the leadership starts to listen more attentively. Every day the congregation gathers in any of its groupings, members are crying out for help in those life situations seemingly beyond their control. It may be a leader on the verge of burnout. It may be a developing conflict with one of the authorities of the church. The pastor, choir director and superintendent are the leaders most often named. It may be a home or family predicament beyond the capacity of the individual to change. The cry for help often comes in the form of a resignation tendered. Whatever the form, church leaders must learn to listen for the pain beneath the message. The person with the problem often feels as if he or she is shouting out a cry the whole world should hear. To those around that same cry for help is often heard as a whisper, if at all. The very fact that a leader has heard that cry of anguish is a start in preventing a dropout. When the cry is not heard the pain is doubled. The fact that the church did not or cannot hear is added to the pain of the initial situation. Listen for the cries for help.
Watch for changes in behaviour. Christians in pain often become more critical in their church. If the problem is burnout, the critic will zero in on the excessive number of programmes in the church. If the problem is a deteriorating family life, youth programming is blamed. The most sensitive barometer of dropout symptoms is worship attendance. When a problem is developing worship attendance will drop, often by 50% or more. Every church serious about closing its back door must develop some method to detect when the worship attendance patterns of its members change. Participation in small groups, classes and committees will drop off. These changes in behaviour are signs something is going wrong in the relationship with the church. The alert leadership will note these changes and act.
A church will begin to close the back door when the leadership starts to listen more attentively.
Develop active listening skills. Church leaders have been trained to tell. Now they must be trained to listen. The greatest barrier to this ministry is the fact that church leaders do not want to hear the message dropouts are trying to speak. As a pastor I did not want to hear that I overloaded volunteers to the point of burnout. I did not want to hear that I failed to find opportunities for meaningful service for willing members. I did not want to hear that I was insensitive to situations where I should have been pastoral. We don’t hear the messages our dropouts are trying to give us because we don’t want to hear. To hear is to accept responsibility for change.
Seek training to learn the skills to care for dropouts. Workshops are available to train pastors and lay persons with the basic skills to care for hurting people who are in the dropout cycle. There is hope even to recover those who dropped out from the active membership years ago. 1 have seen members return to weekly participation in the total life of the congregation after nine years of inactivity.
We will never fully close the back door of the church. With a new understanding of the dynamics of the dropout cycle and renewed attention to the pastoral care of our people we will reduce the present flood to a trickle. In the process men and women will be blessed and the church will be greatly strengthened.